Friday, October 15, 2010

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is a day a lot of people don't even know about yet a day that probably affects a lot of people. I, myself have never had a miscarriage or lost an infant but it has affected my family.

This past spring my brother and his wife experienced an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in my sister in law losing the baby and losing a fallopian tube after it had burst. It was a very scary experience for all of us, as no one really knew what was going on. After the worst was over, they were assured they would be able to have more children and this was nothing that could have been prevented.

It was an incredibly humbling experience for me and made me realize how precious life is. It took quite a toll on my family as mostly everyone had already known about the baby (which would have been arriving right around Christmas) and was already excited planning for it, especially my mom!

Bu the good news is the doctors were right as my sister in law is now pregnant and is due in April.

So please take a second today and hug the children that you do have and send a prayer up for those that have had to deal with the loss of a child.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The truth shall set you free??

I have started this post about a million times in my head but have just never sat down and wrote it out. Maybe because if I actually write it, I can't hide it anymore or I can't just sit back and pretend like everything is OK. So here it is, I have been hiding. Hiding from myself, or maybe from the truth, just hiding in general. Please let me start by saying this is not a post in which I am looking for pity, I know there are a lot of people out there is much worse shape than me I get that.

I'm just not happy and I don't know how to fix it. I feel like I walk around my life is this haze of "faking it". I thought moving back to Ohio and getting a new job would fix me, wrong. We have been here for a year and I don't feel any different than I did when we first moved here. I like my job, but I am not in love with it. I want to wake up everyday excited to go to work and I have not felt that way for a long time. I am 26 years old and I have no idea what I want to do with this life I have been given and I feel like an epic failure. I have thought about going back to school but in the end I have no clue what I would even study so why waste my time and my money. I love working with college students, I love event planning, and I hate to sound like a snob but I am good at planning events. All the while, I love spending time with my family, and love being home and having free time. Changing my life to become an event planner would make for some serious life that what I want. I HAVE NO IDEA!

I have actually said out loud..I could just pack up and go live with my mom. Who says that at 26? This girl does, once again FAILURE! I have always had this picture of how I thought life would be and let me just tell you, I was so wrong. This is nothing how I wanted or envisioned my life to be. Sometimes I joke and say I just need to run away and find myself, but maybe that isn't so far from the truth.

I feel lost and I have no idea what to do about it.

*This blog has always been therapy for me, when I write things out it helps me, I am not looking for people to feel sorry for me, or maybe there is someone out there who gets how I am feeling cause I am completely unable to explain it to anyone in my life I have just been MIA on here lately and thought the 1st step is admitting you have a problem, so here is it I have actually said it out loud*