Saturday, January 31, 2009

My Real Life Grey's Anatomy

First and foremost, I have been a terrible blogger this week but this post will explain everything.

I have not been feeling well at all the past week. I've had weird pains all throughout my body and they seemed to be radiating all over. Not to mention my minor toe procedure which was more painful than ever but thats besides the point. So last night Josh decided that I should go to the hospital and get some tests done to figure out what this pain was. I figured it was a kidney infection, or a kidney stone or maybe just pain from my fibromyalgia but off we went. We arrived at the Altoona hospital around 7:00 p.m. it wasn't that busy so I was hopeful. That hope didn't last long. There was already a really sick guy who looked like death sitting in the waitng room, next came in an older woman who was bleeding with a towel wrapped around her hand...then an ambulance came in, then the highlight of the night..a young man escorted by police hand cuffs and all and the best part was he got right into the time I will remember to come in cuffs for speedy service. There was also a family who's relative had suffered a stroke and was not going to recover from it. My heart went out to them and they were all still in the waiting room when we LEFT the hospital.
To prevent this post from being long and pointless. I finally got back to see a doctor. Dr. Shephard...not McDreamy but a very nice lady nonetheless. She said I could have a kidney infection but they were going to do a CT scan to make sure I didn't have any kidney stones.
They wheel me to my CT scan and wheel me back...and we wait....and some Dog Whisperer and Ace of Cakes on the little tv in my "room". Finally the doctor comes in and tells me what is going on. She tells me they are going to give me some antibiotics for my kidney infection but that I also have "bilateral ovarian cysts" meaning I have cysts on both of my ovaries.

My heart dropped and I held back the tears. I asked questions about if they could be cancerous, if I would be able to have babies and the doctor doubted the cancer option and is sure I will be able to have babies.

The doctor left to get my medicine and my emotions got the best of me. I immediately called my mom sobbing. Here on the next day I don't know why I was so upset I just think the news was not what I was expecting. We left the hospital around 11 (four hours later) with some medicine and that I need to get into an OBGYN as soon as I can. So, I am still unsure as to what all this means but at least I have a cause of all this pain and hopefully will be able to feel better soon.

I'll update soon,

Jess Bay

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What do I really want?

Right now I really want a snow day tomorrow....I am praying and wishing for one like a 10 year old little girl but thats not really what this post is about.

I just don't know what I want. Sometimes I really want to move back home and be closer to the family and other days I wish nothing more than to live mintues from the beach and warm weather. Considering, home is getting 11 inches of snow and we here are getting around 5 obviously today is more the latter. I just feel like I used to be this girl with dreams the size of Texas. I wanted to change the world one person at time and not let anything get in my way. Now everyday it seems like there is another reason why I should be back in Ohio, helping my family. It's not like I think they are incapable of surviving without me or vice versa. I just think life would be much more simple if we lived closer. I know I am going to miss the birth of my brother's first child in the next few weeks and to be honest it eats me up inside. My brother and I have never really seen eye to eye at most things in life but this is something that I certainly feel I should be a part of. I miss every thing about my little brothers and sister lives, baseball games, football games, school plays or just growing up in general. I feel like Lauren was just born and here she will be 4 years old in March and is growing into a smaller version of me...and I am missing every moment.

I guess I just thought it would be easier. I wanted to move much farther away then the 3 hours I am now and I know God put me here for a reason. The reason I have come up with is to realize how much I need the support and love from my family and Josh's family in order to be happy in life.

I love my job, I love helping college students, student activities and Greek Life. I was born and meant to work on a college campus. I just wish I could still stop by my mom's for dinner if I wanted to.

Maybe someday....

Pray for a snow day!

Jess Bay

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I just don't wanna

Sundays are always crazy days for me. I usually cook at least 3-4 meals for the week that way Josh and I both have dinners to eat and aren't forced to eat junk all the time. I work 11 am-8 pm everyday so we live out of tupperware containers. But today I just didn't want to do anything that I need to do. I didn't want to cook, clean the bathroom, or do the HUGE pile of laundry sitting in our bedroom. I just didn't feel like it and I don't know why. This is very unlike me mostly because Josh is at work all day on the weekends and if I keep busy the time goes faster but today I just didn't care. I just wanted to do nothing.

Needless to say, I didn't do nothing. I will admit I stayed on the couch watching reruns of One Tree Hill on Soapnet til 2:00 p.m. but I did get off the couch. I went to Barnes and Noble (one of my favorite places) got some Starbucks bought 2 new books with some Christmas money I saved, went into work for about an hour for a sorority event and here we are at 6:00 p.m. and the laundry is in the wash, dinner for tomorrow is made and the bathroom is clean. But I'm cheating and we are totally having hot dogs and mac and cheese for dinner tonight!

I'm just tired and really don't feel like going to work tomorrow, but at least it's a good tv night!

Happy Sunday!

Jess Bay

Saturday, January 24, 2009

My Life List...

I have always had this list of things I wanted to dobefore I died. For most of my life this list was merely in my head. But recently I have decided to write this list down. Some may seem very immature or silly but I don't care.

1. See a Broadway musical in New York...I came very close once, but a minor fever and trip to the emergency room ruined that plan
2. Swim with Dolphins.. I just did this one over Christmas on our cruise and all I can say is that it was the coolest thing I have ever done and worth every single cent we spent.
3. Get Married....pretty predictable from everyone.
4. Go to Austrailia...I love to travel, I have been to lots of places in the states and to France but would love to see more places.
5. Own a pair of Jimmy Choo''s shoes, it's silly but I just want one pair, they will probably hurt my feet like every other pair of heels I own.
6. Have my own business...I really want to have a business that is mine. Somedays I want to become an event planner, wedding planner etc. Other days I think being in the resturant business is just in my blood and would like to open my own resturant with my mom.
7. Write a book...either a book helping college kids or a children's book....I love to write (one of the main reasons I started this blog) and would love to use my experiences in college and working at a university to help college kids or their parents. I also love reading to kids, especially my little brothers and sister and would love to write children's books helping them make sense out of divorce and when their parents get remarried etc. I used to find it funny when my little brother's would say well "My dad" did this...they just never really understood he was my dad too we just didn't have the same mom. Very complicated for such a small kids.
8. Own a house....I say all the time that I really don't want one but I do and can't wait to decorate my own space.
9. Get my PhD.....this is a HUGE goal and probably not going to happen for quite some time. But I will definitely go back to school at some point. I am not sure what area I want the PhD in but something along the line of educational adminstration or leadership, organizational communication....who knows!
10. Lastly(for now) I want to have children. I would ideally like 2 girls and a boy but if I am blessed enough to have heathly babies that is all that matters to me. It is odd to say but I think I will be a great Mom. I had a really great teacher!

Well this post was kinda random but it's a lazy Saturday here in PA so I thought I would just share more insight into my life.

Stay Warm,

Jess Bay

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dancing Lessons in the Kitchen

Hello! As you can see I am doing Wednesday's Walk down memory lane on blog, my rules. Yesterday was a super crazy day at work and I just ran out of time. ya go!

No one will be surprised that this post is about me and my Mom. She is my hero and I miss her so much. When I was a little girl growing up it was just me, my mom and my older brother at home. My mom worked most days so my grandparents took care of us after school. Not really relevant to this post but shows what an incredible woman raised me. Some of my favorite memories of my mom are in the kitchen and have nothing to do with cooking/baking. My mom and I would always dance in the kitchen. Just twirl me around and dance to no music, for no reason and most times I am sure I was just getting in her way but it's funny because my parents no longer live in our old house but I still remember dancing with my mom in our teeny tiny kitchen as a little girl. Now, when I go home my Mom and I don't still dance in the kitchen but still find a way to have secret moments with each other that only a mother and daughter can have or understand.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music. -- George Carlin

I always like to think that my mom and I will continue to make our own music and our own memories as our family continues to change and grow. But I will always look back and smile as my very own dancing lessons held in my kitchen.

Moms are amazing and I hope I can grow to be half the woman mine is.

Love you Mom!

Jess Bay

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

History made in my lifetime...priceless

When I woke up this morning I honestly didn't think I would really pay attention to the Inauguration today, but it was hard not to. Those of you who know me, know I am NOT a political person at all. I rarely watch the news and I just don't get too invested in all this stuff. But this was the first election I ever voted in..I will save you the math and yes I could have voted 4 years ago but I was a lazy college student who just didn't care. Nonetheless, I voted this year and that is what is relevant. I definitely felt that this was a young person's election, not because of the ages of the people on the ballot but because of the way young people responded. I work on a college campus, I got to see all throughout the fall semester students come together to promote their chosen candiate and on election day I saw the same students, some elated, some disappointed. But they cared..and that is more than I can say about myself back then.

So regardless of who you voted for... today is a great day for everyone. Change is good. Our country will bounce back, we just have to have faith.

So President Obama you have your work cut out for you...Good Luck!

Jess Bay

Monday, January 19, 2009

Grey's Anatomy still teaching me lessons...

I love Grey's Anatomy and yes I know it's Monday but last week was the first week of the semester, had an event and missed the episode. But thanks to full episodes online I caught up this weekend. I used to love to watch it because it reminded me of my life as a graduate assistant, I know I wasn't saving lives or anything but there were certianly days we could all relate to someone at that hospital. Part of this week's episode really hit home with me.

There is a scene with a patient who wants to be taller, just two inches and Dr. Torres and Dr. Sloan are trying to save the mans legs (if you want a more detailed description watch the show). Callie makes a comment about how she used to walk tall, but then George broke her heart, and Erika left her and both took inches off her ability to "walk tall". I know exactly how she feels, I think we all do. Hearts get broken, promises unkept and people just downright disappoint you but you have to still walk tall. Many people know I called off my wedding about a year and a half ago and to be honest not a lot of people know what it did to me mentally and emotionally. I held it in, and hid it from everyone. I faked a smile everyday and did what I had to do to survive and that was it...I was merely surviving I wasn't living. Calling off that wedding and ending a three year relationship and friendship just about cut me off at the knees. I wasn't sure who I was without that person or what I was going to do now that I was alone. But in the end, thanks to the advice of a great friend I took a chance and decided to "walk tall" and went out one night only to find the wonderful man that I now share my life with. I guess my point it yes it is hard, and it hurts but you just have to get back up dust yourself off and keep going. So no matter how hurt you are remember to walk tall and don't just survive life...go out and live it!

Keep your head up,

Jess Bay

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Where do I start?

Wow! So I really decided to start a blog. To be honest, I don't know why just thought it looked like fun and a way for me to talk to all my family and friends who are so far away. I don't really have a good story to tell, I like to think I'm just your average 24 year old women trying to find her place in the world. I miss my parents, grandparents, friends, and my brothers and sister every single day of my life. I feel incredibly guilty for moving away from them and for taking Josh away from his family and friends as well.

I try to keep this a postive post (no one likes a Debbie Downer) I feel like a lot of people just make assumptions about me and my life and then feel the need to share those assumptions with other people. Well I guess that's why I started this blog, kind of a way to tell the truth, my way. So stay tuned, cause I am sure it will get interesting!