This post has been in the makes for quite some time I just have not been able to process my thoughts, and I must admit it will probably take the rest of my life to really "understand" and "accept" it. This post will seem depressing but I just need to let it out, for once and for all and then start to move on.
My Mom and Dad got divorced when I was a year and a half, therefore, divorce has sort of defined my life. Because of divorce I really have no memories of my family, just the four of us at any event or any holiday. Honestly, it never really upset me, never really bothered me, it was just my life and I was OK with it. I didn't mind the rotating holidays or the weeks spent back and forth in the summer. I never knew anything different so I guess I didn't know what I was missing.
My mom remarried when I was a freshman in high school, my step dad and I always always had a difficult relationship, but I guess that comes with teenage angst. We spent the next 11 years riding a roller coaster fighting battles I never thought I would have to face and growing up.
Just this last Christmas my mom shared with us that her and my step dad would be getting a divorce, a divorce that became final last week.
Last week my car decided to act up and was shaking a lot while I was driving. I asked Josh to help me get it fixed and that was when I began to realize...I have no father figure in my life anymore.
I have a Dad, he lives in Cleveland but he has never been that guy that I ran to when something was broken or I needed that manly advice us women seem to sometimes need. So it was at that moment I realized I was kinda on my own from here on out when it came to that stuff. It's not that I can't do it myself, it's just that I really don't want to, as childish as that sounds.
I think every little girl needs her dad and I was fortunate to have two dad's for the majority of my life, so from now on divorce will continue to define my life, but only if I let it. I am ready to embrace the change and live the best life I know how.
Thanks for reading this ridiculously long, wordy, picture less post but it was important for me to get this out as part of my healing process and start to find a new way.