I suck...I know

I know...I know..I promised I would update and here we are on Thursday with no new updates. I don't even have an excuse just that I have been super tired and super busy. But really..that is nothing new.

I guess the only news I have is that my ultrasound came back A OK so I guess there is no immediate concern...which is good news.

Jenny (my Jetta) had to get a new windshield this week...$200 dollars gone down the drain. Long story short....be careful changing your windshield wipers (lol love you babe!)

Not to end on a depressing note...but I really miss my friends. It is funny how you don't realize how much you need people til they aren't around (or in the next room, office or floor) anymore. Sometimes I feel like I am just falling apart at the seams and I dump a lot of crap on Josh everyday when I get home. And it's not like I want to dump my crap on my friends but I would just die to have them around again if nothing more than to just sit around and watch stupid reality shows with.

I am heading to King of Prussia Mall this Saturday. I have never been there before so maybe that will help me relieve some stress by SHOPPING. I am also planning to meet Kyle for lunch, considering I have not seen him since we broke up I am nervous but I am most definitely sure it will be good for me.

Peace out!

Jess Bay

Kids these days

I must admit I have many (ok lots!) of times when I question if working with college students is really what I want to do or moments when I think is this really my life. I hear great stories of drunken nights, sorority drama and plenty of complaining about classes and professors. But moments like last night remind me of why I love my job and my students

As Josh put it nicely...is this supposed to look like chaos...yes, yes it is. This picture is from our quick stop at Penn State's Dance Marathon lovingly known to us as "Thon". As you can see the Bryce Jordan Center (Penn State's Basketball Arena) was jammed packed with college students staying awake for 46 hours to raise money for the Four Diamonds fund at Hershey Children's Hospital to help kids with cancer. The Grand Total was 7.49 million dollars raised by Penn State students all throughout PA.

I honestly had no idea what to expect last night when we walked in but all I can say is that it is indeed a memory I will hold dear to my heart.

I hear a lot of crap about college students and "kids these days" and on some days I am sure that I would agree. But what people don't see on the front page of the papers is "kids these days" standing out in the freezing cold "canning"and "kids these days" giving hours upon hours of their time figuring our better ways than last year to raise money even in these tough econmic times or "kids these days" coming together to make a change and putting their bodies through 46 hours of no sitting or sleeping.

So today I sit here proud of all my "kids" and so grateful that I get to work with kids these days.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...they will change the world.

G'night!

Jess Bay

It's been awhile...

I have been terrible at updating this blog the past week. Things have been crazy with work and life. GOOD NEWS!! My niece was born on February 13th a healthy 8 lbs. 3 oz. bundle of love.

So obviously Josh and I went back to Ohio last weekend to meet her. It was so nice being home. I even got to see my dad, step mom and the kids. They are getting so big and are so excited to be uncle's..Lauren on the other hand doesn't understand it at all. But it is still cute nonetheless.

Work has been crazy busy and overwhelming, I am actually looking forward to spring break just to get some work done that keeps getting piled on my desk. But all in all...not a whole lot to talk about.

I promise I will be better at updating this week!!

Jess Bay

Wednesday' Walk Down Memory Lane

Considering this weekend is Valentine's Day I thought I was reminisce about our first Valentine's Day together, which was last year.

First and foremost, I love Valentine's Day, it is very strange I know but I just do. I was super sad that I was going to be all alone on v-day. Kristen was in Japan and Josh was still in Toledo and had to work, so he was planning on coming to see me that weekend my evening class had been cancelled that night, so I planned on a quiet night alone at my apartment, sad as it was. But to my surprise Josh had other plans.

I hate surprises,my life is not conducive to them... I just always like to have a plan. So that day I went into work like every other day. Josh had called and said he was going to the grocery store and would just talk to me later that night after work, no big deal. Then one of the students at the front desk called and told me I had a delivery so I told her to bring it back to my office. Well my delivery was a dozen red roses from Josh...I was so excited and figured that was his way of letting me know that although we couldn't be together he was still thinking about me. The work day progressed and since I didn't have class that night I tried to get all my stuff done so I could head home early, but Candy kept trying to get to stay later with her (which was not really that odd since we practically lived in those offices) so I stuck around. Around 3:30 Josh called again, which was odd and was like....how do I get to your office? So confused I was like WHAT? You are not here...there is no way! Well, he was there wandering around the university surprising me for Valentine's Day. I was soooooo excited to see him, since back then we never saw each other.

I later found out Candy was in on the whole thing. She got him our address at work for the flowers and the directions to school and the plot to get me to stay...dang facebook conspiracy. LOL but I love her for it.

So we went out to dinner and I wasn't alone for my favorite day. He is crazy and drove back to Toledo then back to Akron the next day.

I know a lot of people think Valentine's Day sucks if your single but I think it is a great day to show everyone, friends, family, boyfriends and girlfriends that you love and care about them.

So to everyone who reads this...Happy Valentine's Day. Regardless if you are near or far...I love you and miss you!!!

XOXO,

Jess Bay

Oh Monday

Dang I'm tired..and it is really Monday AGAIN?!?!

Nothing really new or exciting going on. I still have to wait until next Thursday for my ultrasound but I am feeling a little bit better. I really am hoping we can make the trip to Youngstown this week. If no baby by Thursday, my sister in law will be induced so it would be perfect timing for us to meet her! I worked like hell to get her baby blanket done this weekend and I am so excited to give it to her. This is the longest I have been away from home since we moved here and I am praying Josh will get the time off and I will be holding that baby girl very soon!!!

Oh and cutest thing ever...I was talking to my dad yesterday and he put little Lauren on the phone and she says.."Jessie (she is one of the few permitted to call me that) I pray for you today, and Josh, and Jim baby, and Candi and Jim!" Then she had a 2.3 second convo with Josh on the phone. She is just growing up so fast it kills me.

Well, not too much else is going on...

Love,

Jess Bay

Wednesday's Walk Down Memory Lane

Since we are nearing the birth of my older brother's daughter I decided this post should be about him and I and our trials and tribulations as children.



Jim and I are very different. I have always seen him as the faster, smarter, more popular one out of the two of us. He has always just done what he wanted...no worries. Growing up, it was always just him, me and my mom and we had a great time just the three of us. I think my brother would deny being the typical "older protective brother" type. He usually let me make my own mistakes and clean up the mess afterward. But here are just some snapshots of my life and my older protective brother that I wouldn't trade for the world.



When I was a little girl, he used to help me put my socks on. Looking at that now, I don't see how this task was so difficult but I do remember him telling me to "put your foot up" and he would put my socks on.



As we grew up we would spend time at my Dad's on some weekends and holidays and as a small little girl I remember crying at night because I missed my Mom and it was just weird not having here there to tuck me in. I remember my brother always comforting me until I fell asleep or just making the whole ordeal make sense.



When we got to high school he was my ride to and from school and thankfully I never had to ride a bus in high school. I know it got on his nerves cause I always wanted to get to school early and he always wanted to sleep in and we had to pick up the whole neighborhood of his friends. But I remember he used to send me notes while I was in Math class letting me know if he could give me a ride home that day or not because of his baseball practices. Luckily some of my friends could take me home...but he always wanted to make sure I didn't get stranded.



I could go on and on about good memories of Jim and I. I could also go on and on about how we have fought, yelled, pushed and pulled at each other for the past 24 years. But no one on this whole planet will ever understand me the way that he does. And yes,we still do fight and bicker at times but I am so proud of him.



So in the next few weeks when my big brother becomes a Daddy I know that little girl will have a lifetime of memories with the best guy I know.


That's it for now...

Jess Bay

Drowning in self pity

Warning: This post will be very bitter and probably very negative but that is just how I am feeling right now...continue reading at your own risk.

I'm pissed. I'm just plainly pissed off. I got over being scared, sad, worried and all those other options about this whole cyst thing. I know I am being incredibly over dramatic with all of this but the word "pain" does not even begin to describe what I have been going through in the past week. Not to mention that the inital pain began in October. I just don't know how much more I can handle. Is it not bad enough that I wake up in invisible pain everyday due to an illness that I never freaking asked for and that no one can see or really even diagnose. I just don't know what the hell I did to deserve this. I know I am being incredibly selfish. I read women's blogs who have had to bury their own children, or who can't have children and I know there are millions of people out there with a sadder story than mine..but right now I just want to feel bad for myself or get into a car and drive to my parent's and have my mom tell me that everything is going to be ok..and for once actually think it is true. But what do I really do..I cry...and cry some more.

I feel like my life is one huge losing battle and I am finally losing the war. I don't really know what is going to happen. Most likely surgery but I go to the doctor on Thursday for more definite answers. I just know that if it hurts this bad...I want it OUT of my body...and SOON!

My biggest fear is that all of "this" meaning my life is going to ruin Josh and I. He has been a trooper through this...taking me to the hospital and just letting me cry cause thats what I need to do. I just feel like a lot of crap just gets in the way of us being "us". My shitty hours at work, his shitty hours at work, stress about money, missing our families and now me possibly having to have surgery on top of everything else. I was talking to Kristen the other night and just said..if we can make it through all of this we can make it through anything...I guess I just have to keep that attitude and try to think positively. I just don't know if I can do this without having some certain people here to hold my hand.

So I guess I lied...I still am scared, worried, and sad but I will just throw a little bit of pissed off in there too.

And since I know he will read this tonight when we get home...

Josh... I love you and thank you for being here and riding this crazy roller coaster life with me.

That's all I got,

Jess Bay