New Look

I finally took the time to check out scrapblog.com today and I am playing around with some new headers and having a blast doing it. You should definitely check it out but beware it is totally addicting.

Other than that things have been crazy around here. We went to Hershey Park last week...I will post some pics soon and tomorrow is Josh's birthday, so I have been preparing for that. AND, my favorite holiday is this weekend and I can not wait to go home for the parade, hot dogs, and smores...and of course seeing my bestest friend who I haven't seen in what feels like forever.

Fun posts and pictures coming soon!

Jess Bay

My Daddy!

Join me for a Walk Down Memory Lane...if you would like to join just click above!

Apparently while I was too busy having an emotional breakdown on Father's Day I failed to mention how thankful I am to have all the father's in my life.

My Dad and I have not always had the best relationship, I think for most of my life we just simply tolerated each other, but baseball, country music and our love for reading has always been our link to each other.

When my Dad would come and visit on Sunday's we always spent the majority of the day playing baseball in my grandma's back yard. Not that it was much a game considering there were only 3 players but it alway seemed like the best days. One of the best memories would be me attempting to catch a baseball with my eye and ending up with the red thread marks indenting into my face and having a great story to tell at school on Monday.

Most of my favorite Dad memories would be the trips to and from Cleveland. While we were on summer vacation we always spend weekends and long weeks up in Cleveland with my Dad and Step Mom. Although and hour and a half is no long venture it used to seem that way as a child but we used to crank up my Dad's Garth Brooks "tapes" (wow I am old) and sing at the top of our lungs...best times ever and now we do the same with the little kids just with the modern day CD.

But by far the best gift and memory my Dad has given me is yet to come...the day he gets to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding(whenever that day may come) will be such an emotional day for the both of us as it is a day I look forward to and a day I think he hopes will never come. Although my Dad does have a 4 year old and a 24 year old daughter I will forever and always be my Dad's little girl, and although we might not always see eye to eye I know he is proud of me and loves me very much.

Happy Father's Day (a little late)!

Jess

Emotions 1 Me 0

It is amazing how your emotions can just take over you without your permission. Unfortunately, that is what happened to me all day yesterday.

I didn't think Father's Day would be that difficult for me to survive being away from home, as I got through Mother's Day without a problem, but as soon as my grandpa called to thank me for his card all I wanted to do was be home. Home to have seen him open the card, home to celebrate my big brother's 1st Father's day, home just in case this was my other grandpa's last father's day with us. Just home, cause anymore home is the only place I want to be. So, I cried and cried some more and than fought with Josh cause I was angry at the world. The stupid world that won't let me find a job closer to home so I could have been with my family just to sit around and laugh. The stupid world that has forced me to live 3 stinkin hours away from my beautiful little sister that got to ride with our Daddy to the store on Father's Day to get the newspaper...just like I used to do. My stupid world which I feel like has been completely turned upside down this past year with people falling, and people needing oxygen tanks, and people needing me or me needing them or me just feeling like I am missing the most important thing in my life...my family.

Fabulous Friday

As a fun post today I have decided to take part in Fabulous Friday...if you would like to join in click the picture below

Today's topic is Fabulous pictures and I love taking pictures...so here ya have it!



My wonderful little sister's 1st attempt at fishing

My older brother and my dad watching my little brother's baseball game (like father, like son)

Some of my friends from Grad school on Halloween, dressed up as the Peanuts crew (or at least trying to)

And some of my sorority sisters all decked out in our Delta Zeta jackets, that we all wore everywhere we went!

Thanks for stoppin by and have a fabulous weekend!

JessBay

I've got big dreams

If you read this regularly you will know that my life has been in a serious slump lately. I am desperately trying to find a job back in Ohio near my family, Josh needs to finish school at some point, and most days I feel like we are just keeping our heads above water.

I wish this post was an exclamation that all of that has changed...but its not. I am just beginning to realize what I want out of this life I have. I really want to go back to school...I know I am crazy but hey that's me! I am going to start looking into communication programs in Northeast Ohio and possibly try to get into a program for next fall...I know this is very unlikely but the ideal situation would be for me to work full time at a campus and go to school part time for cheaper but we will see.

I have always had crazy dreams and I still have no clue what I want to do when I "grow" up. I would absolutely love to become an event/wedding planner but know those jobs are about a one in a million chance to find but I can also see myself doing so many other things.

My biggest dream is to be the best wife & mom (when the time comes) that I can be and I'm beginning to doubt that is possible in the current role I am in. So, although I don't have any of the details figured out I am going to start formulating a plan attack because you only live once!

So stay tuned...cause you never know what you are gonna get with me!

Jess

My Childhood...in a box

Join me for a Walk Down Memory Lane...if you would like to join just click above!



During my trip to Ohio last weekend, mom and I stopped to pick up Gram to go to my cousin’s wedding shower. Since I was wearing a dress and their puppy likes to jump and scratch I opted to stay in the garage. I began to meander around and remember all the time I had spent playing in that garage as a little girl. I began opening some different cabinets, suspecting to find “grandparent” items like gardening tools and such but was very surprised to find items that I used to play with.

As I begin to dig through this cupboard type apparatus I begin to get nostalgic because I begin to realize my grandparents have not thrown away one single thing my brother and I used to play with. A few minutes pass and my mom returns to the garage ready to go with my gram and yells "What the heck are you doing?" and all I could mutter was..."It's my childhood...in a box" and closed the cupboard. But I still can't believe they still have all that stuff. I wish I would have taken pictures of it...my ghost busters binoculars, a ping pong paddle with my brother's name and graffiti all over it and so much more. Including the following:

Two of my by far favorite "toys" I used to play with as a child. I honestly wanted to take out the pop it (directly above) and play with my mom, but I didn't. Oh the memories of being little and all the good times my brother!!

What were your favorite toys as a kid??

Thanks for stopping by!

Jess

Cleaning up my "collegehood"

I have been at my Mom's in Ohio this weekend to attend a bridal shower of my cousin. As much as I love being home I am incredibly allergic to the house they live in. For most of my life we did not live in this house and when my parents decided to move I was in college and spent about 1.5 summers and lots of weekends here. We figured I would just get sick because of the 3 cats that live here and their insane amount of hair loss but now that I too own a cat and do not suffer at my house I have decided...its not the cats.

So this morning I woke up and decided it was time to clean up my pseudo room that I have kinda lived in the past 5 years. For anyone who went away for college and in my case graduate school you tend to collect and hang on to a lot of random things for no apparent reason (even worse cause I was in a sorority). So as I type this I sit next to a huge bag of stuffed animals I no longer need ( I did keep a few) and lots of other crap I have held onto cause of some ridiculously memory I have associated with them. I had the best college hood anyone could ever ask for..hands down but I am trying so hard to find this balance of hanging on to what I had but finding the courage to just go out and see what else is waiting for me.

So in the end, I have a cleaner, cat hair free (for now) room to come home too...cause in the end no matter where I go, this crazy house that I may be allergic to will always, always be my home and I wouldn't have it any other way.


-Jess

All the things I wish I could say...

Disclaimer: This has potential to be bitter and cyncial

*If my life was a job I probably would have quit it by now
*I feel like I am drowning and there is no way for me to save myself
*When I say I am ok...I am lying (mostly to myself)
*I want to go home and I feel like a failure for even thinking that
*My Dad is trying to fix our relationship by calling me everyday...I wish I had more things to say to him when he calls
* I hate being alone...hate it! and I am alone all too often.
*I feel like I have no one to talk to who understand how I feel or knows what to say to make it bettter
* I wish I was a risk taker and had no fears
* The main reason I don't want to quit my job is because I will have no health insurance and I know that will be the time I will need it the most
*I want to go back to school, I don't know why...maybe just a chance to start over
* I am afraid someone at home will die and I will never get to say goodbye...I live with that fear everyday and it sucks
* I want to find a church here...but at the same time I am angry with God for not finding a way for me to be closer to my family
* I don't really drink anymore because I used to drink to take away the pain and I never ever want to go back to that life

It's not even that I am having a bad day I just feel like my life is a game that I keep losing. I am really toying with lots of different ideas and decisions that I need to make in order to be happy. If you are reading this, please pray that sooner or later happiness comes my way.

This guy I know...

It has indeed been awhile but we are going on another walk down memory lane...if you would like to join in click below...it's lots of fun!

Josh and I have a crazy story of how we actually ended up together but I will save that for another time. We have been together for a year a half and time has completely flown by. Our first date "weekend" which is apparently what you have to have when you live 2 hours away from each other was fantastic. Our official first date was a trip to the National Football Hall of Fame in Akron and then dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise. The perfect combo cause Josh loves football and I love cheesy themed restaurants. The next day we spent the afternoon watching the Ohio State vs. Michigan game at BW-3's with some friends where he got BBQ sauce all over the sleeve of my shirt (haha). We continued to have twice a month weekend dates which was hard being away from him and balancing it all with grad school and job searching all at the same time. I am so lucky to have him in my life.

Us at BW-3's

Although our relationship had been full of its ups and downs I would be lost without him. I was very weary of jumping into a relationship when Josh and I starting dating but I am so happy that God has put him into my life. Although he may not be as organized as I like, or that he spends entirely too much time playing video games and watching ESPN he is mine all mine and I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

There is no real reason I chose today to write about Josh and I's first date...except for that I don't thank him enough or tell him how much I love him..so this was my chance.

Thanks for stopping by,

Jess

Cleveland Rocks!

Oh I am so corny with these titles but it makes me laugh and that's all that matters. We spent the greater part of last week in and around Cleveland enjoying some time with each other and some friends and family. It was so much fun and I am so glad we did it. Unfortunately, the weather didn't cooperate and we spent a lot of time staring at this




and getting soaking wet but a good time nonetheless. I just don't think success is in the cards for Cleveland sports ever. The Browns are terrible, the Cavs always give us hope only to let us down in the end and the only thing the Tribe has going for them is Grady's good looks and now he's injured. What is a girl to do. Oh well...let's just hope he is better when I get to go to another game in July with my Dad. After the two consecutive days of rain delays Josh and I spent some time with my Dad, Step mom and the four younger siblings which was a lot of fun. We watched a soccer game and two baseball games and watched Lauren...just being Lauren. She is just too cute for words...

All in all summer seems to be off to a good start!

Thanks for stopping by!

JessBay