Disclaimer: This has potential to be bitter and cyncial
*If my life was a job I probably would have quit it by now
*I feel like I am drowning and there is no way for me to save myself
*When I say I am ok...I am lying (mostly to myself)
*I want to go home and I feel like a failure for even thinking that
*My Dad is trying to fix our relationship by calling me everyday...I wish I had more things to say to him when he calls
* I hate being alone...hate it! and I am alone all too often.
*I feel like I have no one to talk to who understand how I feel or knows what to say to make it bettter
* I wish I was a risk taker and had no fears
* The main reason I don't want to quit my job is because I will have no health insurance and I know that will be the time I will need it the most
*I want to go back to school, I don't know why...maybe just a chance to start over
* I am afraid someone at home will die and I will never get to say goodbye...I live with that fear everyday and it sucks
* I want to find a church here...but at the same time I am angry with God for not finding a way for me to be closer to my family
* I don't really drink anymore because I used to drink to take away the pain and I never ever want to go back to that life
It's not even that I am having a bad day I just feel like my life is a game that I keep losing. I am really toying with lots of different ideas and decisions that I need to make in order to be happy. If you are reading this, please pray that sooner or later happiness comes my way.